waiting room.

my step-dad went in for surgery monday, to remove part of his colon that had cancer, the surgery went fine, tuesday, he felt ill from the pain meds, but they still said the surgery went fine, then next day he got the chills and then his temperature spiked to 107 degrees, they thought he was developing pneumonia, from not moving much. 3am this morning, the doctor called my mom and said hes being rushed into emergency surgery, the place wear the colon was connected again, disconnected and all of his bowls and toxins were being leaked into his body and poisoning him, and that he could die from it.  about 3:20am, my mom knocks on my doors in hysterics saying “i need to go to the hospital, hes being rushed into surgery, it’s life threatening.” and i sat up in shock and i could hear my heart pounding out of my chest, for the next hour i got ready and waited for my mom to get ready so we could leave. all i could think was “what if he died, no no no he won’t died, he can’t die, they just got married and settled down, but what if he dies, my whole life will be thrown into a twister, no NO NO he won’t die” then we left and i stood in the street and waited for my mom to back the car out, and the birds were singing sweet songs, and the moon had a foggy glow. once we reached the hospital at 5am, we were put into a little room in the middle of the hospital, and no one told us anything. then my step-dads daughter, my step-sister came, and was in a panic with a rockstar energy drink in her hand, the next two hours consisted of us not knowing anything, and watching the same news stories over and over again and watching my mom suffer on the inside, it’s so hard to watch. then my step-sisters boyfriend came. at this point we were frustrated so my mom went to go find information, and we got some, then the phone rang and they said he surgery went fine, and then doctor will be in soon to talk to us. when the doctor came in we all sat up straight and he began to explain what happened and what they did, they had no clue what caused the colon ends to split, they said “it was like the just melted apart.” then he said in the next hour they should wheel him by and we should follow. the hour passed and i ate almonds and we watched good morning america, and then he rolled by, and it was really hard seeing him like that. then we took the elevator with them to the 4th floor and unlike last time when he shared a small room with a guy in hospice and extremely rude visitors, he had a large single room, in the secluded corner, but this indicates he will be there much longer. in the beginning he hopped to be home by sunday, and now he will remain in the hospital for weeks. i went in to see him and fuck i just want him to be the same old bruce again. we sat around and waited for more news, i heard my step-sister on the phone talking to drew her 4 yr old son about “grandpa loopy.” after awhile i hit the wall and needed sleep, we had been at the hospital for about 6 hours. my step-sis and her boyfriend left, and i tried to sleep, i woke up to an odwalla juice my mom got me, and i guess i had only slept for 20 mins. then later on 2 doctors were in there for his wound care. because of the infection they did not close the wound they left it open. so i said “can i come in” and she responded “if you can handle looking at this.” and i did not expect what i saw, it was a huge gap in his stomach, just like someone had sliced him open with a knife, i could see all the tissue and fat underneath, like someone cut you in half and you look at it from the side and can see all the layers. bruce didn’t realize that his stomach was pretty much just open. in there the doctors were putting a special wound healing thing, they stick foam in the wound and plastic on top then sucked the air out and it should heal the wound from the inside out. after that bruce was informed he would be getting a PICC line because he won’t be able to eat food until his colon is healed, so the doctor told him “it’ll go in at your upper arm and through the vein and then it will stop at the tip of your heart.” i could just see bruces face drop, because it’s another thing he will have to deal with and getting pricked. after that my mom and i told bruce goodbye and that we would see him tomorrow and left. i was so exhausted, and i had to go play in battle of bands for marching band. i was just really quiet and tired, which always scares my friends because i am the loud one, and they kept asking what was wrong, so on the bus i said i will tell you once but i need everyone here so i don’t have to repeat again, then my group sat around me and told them, but the end i was just mumbling and didn’t know what i was saying. when we got to the parade i realized i cannot do it, i was way to tired and not focused, so i walked beside the band and then snuck off with my family on the side, and told them all about bruce, then i went to go find my band, but snuck off again, and went to grandmas house. then i went back, and my friends cheered me up a bit. then right as the parade ended a huge dark cloud covered the town and it down-poured so hard, there were kids running every which way out the window the road was like flooding, and it came through the buses roof, we drove home in the worst of it, the lighting was crazy, then we got home and it was dry, 5 mins later, the storm reached my town. for now the next couple of days are going to be hard, we just want him to get stable and now have any more incidents. i have to remain strong for my mom, because if i break down, she will even more then she has been all week. 

waiting rooms will become a norm for awhile.